As Etsy Sellers, we spend all our energy on one crazy life-or-death quest: “how can I make more sales?!?!?!”…BUT is that really all you need to know to make Etsy your bitch? I think not. There’s an even MORE important question that you’re not asking.

(Are you ready for it? Should I do a countdown?)

Here it is: Why do SOME items sell on Etsy and not others? How can we sell stuff on Etsy if we don’t know WHAT and WHY people are buying?

In this post, you’ll learn how to take a step back and figure out exactly what makes customers BUY.

Yeah, yeah. You should be on social media. You know. Everyone and their mother has crammed that advice down your throat more than a few times. You’re sick of hearing it and you stopped trying a long time ago.

Because, let’s be honest…You’re over it. Social media is a lot of freakin’ work, and for what? A random sale once a month? The occasional retweet? Who has time for that? You have a life to live, a business to run, and a lot of other crap on the side that’s not going to fix itself.

What if you could just put in the effort once and let the rest fall into place? What if social media worked its little ass off and paid its own rent??

The second you started selling online, this weird thing you’d never heard of before suddenly became the center of your life. It’s called SEO and you’re not even 100% sure what it stands for.

All you know is that you have to SEO the hell out of everything. You have no idea how to actually do that. So you’ve just copied other sellers, or aimlessly read articles that didn’t actually explain anything…they just told you to do something so you did it. #mindlessdrone

Guess what? I spent the last seven (boring corporate) years as an SEO consultant for a fortune 500 company.

Guess what ELSE? I quit that job to sit here and talk to you instead. So let’s get your shit straight.

As far as google thinks, I’m the first blogger to publish an income report specifically for my Etsy shop. And believe me: I’m scared shitless about it.

It’s creepy to share your finances online. It pretty much violates every frugal commandment handed down to me by my (stereotypically Jewish) parents…but I promise you, I have a higher purpose:

I’m sick of giving advice about Etsy success when you can’t visibly see how that advice is working for me.

So today I’m going to pull back the curtain and show you the REAL LIFE expenses and profit behind an Etsy business.

Do you feel like you have the word ‘NOOB’ written all over your face? And somehow everyone can see it but you???

Don’t worry. Every single last person on Etsy was once a brand new seller. SO…I’m going to hand down some tidbits of truth that you can actually use.

Believe it or not the Internet, despite what it tells you, does not just dole out instant success to anyone who asks for it. There is some serious work ahead of you, and now is a good time to figure out where you SHOULD be spending your valuable time.

Here’s a nice glimpse into reality. Learn what to expect.

Tell the truth…you listed your first item on Etsy and expected it to be sold out the next day, didn’t you?

We all secretly hope that we’re selling the most brilliant thing that ever existed, and it’s pretty normal to expect instant success…

But eventually, the agonizing reality of an empty bank account kicks in: your items aren’t going to sell themselves.

Let’s play a game. It’s called SCREW you ETSY, and it involves YOU being a punk rock badass while you promote the sh*t out of your own products. Etsy be damned, you GOT this.

Recently I’ve seen an influx of bloggers and instagrammers blatantly requesting free products. Which brings up the question: when should you give up the goods?

Alright. The first time a blogger asked to feature my Etsy shop I nearly shit myself. I was so freakin’ excited I think I called everyone in my phone. Then I danced around my hotel room like a drunken idiot. (At the time, I was at the world’s most miserable business conference).

Reality Check: Half the people who are contacting you just want free stuff. Here’s how to tell the difference between a wannabe and the real deal.

Alright. Everyone and their 6-year old kid is telling you that you need a website for your Etsy shop. You’ve literally heard it a gazillion times and it seems like you should listen. I mean if the Internet tells you to do something, you have to obey, don’t you?

Among the many brilliant advances the internet has blessed us with, consistently good advice definitely isn’t one of them.

So I’m here to tell you: You don’t need a website for your Etsy shop.

Actually, let me rephrase that. A website is a mother*cking waste of your time right now. And you definitely have way less shitty options that will make you way more money (faster!)

About a year ago I was firmly planted in a horrible job. I mean really awful. This was the kind of job where your boss yells at you for taking a day off to attend a funeral. I spent a year working away at this place, trying my hardest to do a bunch of stuff I didn’t care about.

Meanwhile my boss just kept on saying one thing and meaning another. She constantly told me she wanted to hear my opinion but criticized me endlessly when I actually gave it. And I was trapped, because at the end of the day, we all have bills to pay.

Are you in the same situation that I was?